As anger subsides, it leaves a void. And voids are made to be filled - but with what? I believe we have choices in life. I can fill my void with sadness, or anger and just repeat a cycle or I can choose to fill it with something else. Me personally, I think I'm juggling between hope and despair. I take one step forward and two steps back. For half the day I take a deep breath and don't even think about what's happened and then, somewhere along the line, sorrow drips slowly back in and suddenly I'm drowning in it.
So how do you cope? I cut my hair ridiculously short and played a lot of video games and watched a lot of movies. I decided I'm going to Scotland in November (I'll find a way to afford it goddamnit!). Basically, I distract myself. And I think distractions are my saving grace. Because without them I'd be a sopping mess.
I think that's why the day is easy - so much to keep me busy - but nighttime is so difficult. You get so used to somebody being next to you at night, you have that sense of safety and love. And suddenly they're gone? What about my safety?
But you realise that's silly, it's selfish, and most importantly it's not true. Number one, they are only gone in a physical sense (yes I believe in spiritual lives). Number two, you can provide yourself safety, whether you need to get a dog or a baseball bat, you CAN find a way to supplement that feeling, though it won't ever be the same. Number three, who is to say that love you felt is gone? If it's love, it'll never be gone. You will always love them at least a little bit and they will always love you. And that's what get's me through.
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